Winter sun

I am really enjoying this winter sun streaming thru my window this morning. Makes me smile, nice to feel the warmth.

Progress report

It's been 12 days since surgery, and I am pleased.  I think that's important! 

1. Discovered the beauty of flossing your teeth one-handed with the flosser gadget everyone recommended when I requested help to floss my teeth (on FB of course... jokingly!).  My new long-term favorite gadget and hygiene accessory!
2. Saw Aaron at the post-op visit last Friday the 23rd.  He was pleased with my progress.  
1. He removed my sutured, and felt I was a fast healer!  
2. He was amazed at my lack of pain; he said patients regularly come in with expressions of stress and pain readable on their faces, saying they HATE them!  I am taking my pain meds regularly, but only about 3 a day.  I wonder if the pre-op AP helped?  
3. Aaron's plan for me is increase range of motion passively over the next 6-7 weeks, until my next PR with Dr. Grimm.  My notes indicate it will be 12 weeks before strength training with a therapist.  Six months before they release me to do anything I want.
4. Mom and I may have misunderstood the extent of the surgery.  Dr. Grimm told us he didn't have to do extensive bone surgery, and we interpreted that to mean, simply repaired the rotator tendon.  He meant he didn't do all the bone remodeling that Kevin proposed when he suggested surgery back in June.  He DID clean up arthritis, and it WAS major surgery, one of the more extensive repairs they've done.  Major disease in the joint.  Quite inflamed, lots of frayed tendons waving in the synovial fluid.  They drill a hole and implant an anchor that will eventually dissolve.  Attach 4 large-diameter sutures to the anchor and to the tendon.  He said I need to go very slowly and carefully, in order not to risk the tendon attachment.
3. I worked out with Leslie this morning, then called Dish to help me get the recycled TV in the basement to work.  Then I bicycled and did the elliptical for another 15min before making a healthy breakfast.

I am pretty late to work, but am on my way.  After I floss my teeth!

I am blessed

It's three days post rotator cuff surgery, and all I can think is how blessed I am. The sun is pouring through my window, I'm enjoying the warmth. I'm reading a good book, I have my cat friends circling around me and making me giggle. I've had a shower and several bowel movements, so what more could I ask for hee hee. My discomfort is being managed acceptably with pain meds. I live in a lovely home that's comfortable and suits me well. Christmas music fills the air. Tea flavored with eggnog… Homemade minestrone soup from my dear friend Melanie… Feel like I've got it all. Nothing on my schedule, except get better. And that I feel like I'm doing.

On my way to Surgery

In about 1 hour, I will be on my way to FFTH for left rotator cuff surgery.  This is the shoulder I injured in June 2000, when Dad was in the ICU at FFTH with pneumonia and dyspnea; Sarah had come in with a broken tooth; we were expecting Jessi to deliver almost any day.  I was on the phone setting up an appointment for Sarah with GVEC, lifting a water bucket for Jessi's big birthing stall, and my rotator cuff snapped.  Never did anything about it then, just tried to ignore it.  It was painful and immobile for 6 years, then John pretty much fixed it with massage, at Thanksgiving of 2006.  It was fine until last fall, prior to Thanksgiving, and I aggravated it at Boot Camp lifting weights.  I did as much massage with John as I could, when they were here for Thanksgiving.  I hoped having Mary Johnson work on it would help.  The pain persisted, and I saw Kevin at COA in June.  He suspected the rotator cuff, ordered up some tests, discovered a full thickness tear of the anterior fibers of the supraspinatus with 2cm retraction, a partial thickness articular surface tear of the subscapularis and plenty of arthritis.  He gave me a steroid injection and advised me I needed surgery.  I scheduled it, then repeatedly heard glowing recommendations of Dr. David Grimm, "the shoulder guy."  I saw HIM in October, and he confirmed we needed surgery, but he did not feel it would have to be as drastic as what Kevin forecast.  I have to be at the hospital at 11AM.

I've tried to take a more assured approach, not giving vent to every thought or moment of anxiety or anticipation.  I am in good hands, with God, my surgeon, my post-op team and myself!  I've been working out forever, I feel strong, I'm only about 2lb heavier than when I left Jeremy's 2.5 weeks ago, though I feel much softer!  Everything will work out for the best.  Always does.

As I was showering this morning, I had the sense that this was the last time things would be "the same" for a long time.  I recognize this sense of change from the time before and after my knee replacement.  I highly anticipated the procedure, though I had no idea what was to come.  As prepared as I attempted to be, truly I had no idea what life would be like.  Everything would be different, for a long time.  Getting up and down, in and out of the shower or the car, putting my clothing on and taking it off, being a veterinarian.  I will learn to adjust to a new kind of pain, the restriction on my activity.  For a solid 3 months, I hurt.  I could not see pat that, how could I for the pain had become my new normal.  I had no experience, had never walked down that road so I really didn't comprehend I would get better!  Things would eventually improve, beyond my absolute wildest imagination.  I had gone from 20+ years of constant life-changing pain and instability, to pain with improved stability, to no pain and 100% return of use of this major joint!!  I could not get over how drastically my life had improved!  So here I sit in similar circumstances, not knowing what will be next, and only mildly uneasy with that.  Everything will work out for the best.  Always does.

Wisdom from Yesterday's Proverb

Yesterday, the 13th, I enjoyed a verse from the Proverb very much.  This is it:

Proverbs 13:3: Those who control their tongue will have a long life; a quick retort can ruin everything. (NLT)

I just knew I needed to read this verse!

Wisdom for today

There's a lot about proverbs 15 that's speaking to me today; very clearly speaking to me today! Proverbs 15 1-2: A sensitive answer turns back wrath, but an offensive word stirs up anger. The tongue of the wise enhances knowledge, but the mouth of a fool gushes with stupidity. Verse four: wholesome speech is a tree of life but dishonest talk breaks the spirit. Verse 28: the righteous heart reflects before answering, but the wicked mouth blurts out evil.

Cutting Ties

This has been a day of abbreviating connections.  This I am putting together as I prune low branches on the flowering crab-apple tree.

Today, I...

• cut off my home phone service
• severed my very quiet Christian Mingle account
• brought in garden ornaments
• wrote out my final horse-themed greeting card!
• continued to cut back my involvement with my church. 

I receive about 15 calls a month, including telemarketers and the Red Cross.  It will same me $35/month, after I get done paying the $200 early termination fee (about 5 months of service).  It was not an easy decision for me!  In 47 years of life I have never been without a land line!  It made economic sense, and no one I spoke to who gave up a land line, regrets doing so.  So it's done; phone line is cut off!

Christian Mingle... what a bust.  At least I didn't spend much on it.  I received exactly ONE inquiry, very early on, from someone trolling.  I inquired after ONE guy whose profile sounded like he might be a good person and made me laugh.  I gave it a second shot and emailed him after I never heard back from him.  Checked all my stats, and sure enough, that was one QUIET account.  Good bye, fantasies of finding a nice guy friend out there in cyberspace, and no regrets over what might have been.... insert poignant background music.

Pruning and end of season gardening... bittersweet moments.  Still have more to go, and I will miss carefree summer and grudgingly acknowledge the lurking threat of winter.

Kathy Johnson's birthday get-together (now sans gift-giving, thank you!...) is this Friday, and I gave her my final horse birthday card.  No more horse cards at ALL, actually.  That is fine; I haven't felt a good connection with horses in years, since prior to sending them away in 2009 actually.  I helped Melanie let horses out at her house last month or so, and I was AMAZED to realize I had ab-so-lutely NO interest in being in or near the barn, except when the cat came strolling thru!

I've been discouraged with the People, Personalities and Politics at church recently, and after Millie's uncalled-for and hurtful display in September, a little distance is what I'm striving for.  The angst and drama are NOT what I need in my involvement with the organization.  I am making plans to disconnect from the position of trustee and liaison for the parsonage, which can't come a moment too soon as they are coming across as increasingly unable to make their rent.  Soon, I will be able to say, "Not my problem."  I am preparing my fellow trustees and my pastor for a mid-November abbreviation of my input, coinciding with my shoulder surgery.

Being your own parent

Being your own parent
Sometimes, you have to be your own parent. We were all given parents, and I think most of them tried to do the best they could with whatever parenting talents or skills they had. Sometimes the parenting talents were lacking, and we children are the results of that.

Nevertheless. There's nothing in the world to stop us from being our own parents when needed. Hopefully we've gotten this far in life knowing right from wrong. Doesn't mean we will always do what's right when faced with a choice between right and wrong. We can coach ourselves more or less; have a little discussion with ourselves, talk to ourselves as if we were our own child or someone's child. What would you tell a struggling teenager if that child were faced with the same situation that you yourself are in. Most of us would want a child to do the right thing, whatever that looks like.

I think parents struggle with being human, and with wanting their child to do the right thing in the face of the knowledge that they might not do the right thing in that same situation. (Do as I say, not as I do.) However you still have the fervent desire to have that child behave in the appropriate way. Just as a teen considers what the adult is recommending, and in their naïve way chooses to do the right thing, I think we adults can use the same decision-making and ultimately do the right thing because it's the right thing to do. In that way, we are parenting ourselves. We take the knowledge of what's the right thing to do and apply it literally and specifically to our own selves.

You have to stop blaming your parents for not being perfect. As it turns out, if you look at the situation from the viewpoint of a foster parent guiding a foster child, where there is no blood binding the relationship, you want that child who needs guidance to simply do the right thing and you'd try to provide the kind of information to help them do that. So instead of remaining lost because you didn't receive guidance as a child, simply put yourself in the position of being your own parents. Forced to give wisdom to someone in need, you'd come up with something and that thing is what you yourself should adhere to.

We've all got room for improvement, and that may in fact come from within ourselves not necessarily from outside of ourselves.

Everything hurts

Things in life these days, weeks, few months, feels like everything hurts.  Physically and emotionally, mostly.

My shoulder hurts.  The left one, specifically.  Awaiting surgery in November, praying for Dr. Grimm to have skilled hands and team that day, and for me to possess the patience needed to complete my recovery afterward.

Judy's husband Ted has been in the hospital the last 2 weeks.  This is so hard!!  Feeling so much angst, gripping anxiety.  Possibly brings back the last week of my dad's life and the loss of someone so special.  I feel so bad that Judy is going through this right now, I know it is a difficult thing, and we don't know how this situation will end up.

Millie Sackett handled a situation through church that angered and hurt me, and has allowed me to express my negative side (in other words, I want to smack her down and shout my hatred to her).  I offered to donate money to the church to help replace the new roof, enough to complement what was gathered from my dad's memorial fund, to make $1000.  She elected herself Donation Police and decided that mom's and my donation to the church for the roof replacement was $30 shy of what I said I would donate.  I wrote the church a check based on her calculation of the amount collected from my dad's memorial fund.  In addition to confronting me with this ridiculous demand for more money, she felt the need to broadcast this at a church meeting.  So many things wrong with this situation: that she would feel it necessary to bring up ANY discrepancy, when the fact is it is a DONATION, a pledge.  NOT a requirement!  And the original amount was from my dad's PASSING!  Could you TRY to show some pretend sympathy?  AND that she would bring it up in a public situation makes it all the more awful.  I felt a bit let down that my pastor did not straighten this out with her prior to allowing her to attack me in church, but she felt based on an email I might NOT have wanted her to take care of it (in spite of the fact that I specifically came to her for guidance and expressed relief that she came up with a great idea to patch it over).  Now we're getting together this Thursday to "patch things up," Millie, Jeri and I. I am discontinuing being a trustee (YAY) and I told Jeri I need a break.  In my mind, church is a place of solace, community, strength and education.  Somethign is very wrong when it becomes a place of venom and anger and anxiety.  I forgive Millie for her behavior, but I can't pretend to like her.

My purse was stolen August 30, from my unlocked car while I worked out in Canandaigua.  No one could kick me any harder than I kick myself.  I just felt the LOSS and the anxiety of that mistake so heavily.  Things are gone, that I will likely never see again, that are meaningless to anyone else.  Who can use my $600 prescription glasses?  My before and after fat pictures.  My coupons and my notebook, where my notes from my trip to FL and back in March were.  Priceless things that are nothing to anyone else.  Makes me angry.  The moments after it happened, when I felt deflated and stupid and powerless, I resolved to pray to God for help, whatever that looked like.  I want my bag back, no one else should have that stuff, but in God's hands all will work out for the best, and I believe that to be true.  Even if I never get my things.  That allows me to smile and decide that I can get through this.

I have stated 2 new bible studies.  One is with Karen's group and we're studying Prayer.  It's an excellent study, I love the material.  I look forward to the reading and the material we are covering.  We are reading through a bible guide on Wed. nights at AHUMC.  Nice group.  I feel anxiety associated with "leading" the group.  THAT is something I can give up, rationally I do NOT need to worry about whether we are having a good time.

Off to do physical therapy and get caught up on NCIS reruns.  It usually feels really good, the stretching and strength training.

Going Home

Even though I am at peace with my dad's passing, there's still the sadness of his loss.  Of a time gone, of memories good and bad.  I have said I do not begrudge my dad his passing, because it is a path we all must take.  He would not have wanted to suffer long.  Like the animals he hunted respectfully for a lifetime, he would have wandered off into the woods and curled up to pass on his own, and that's how he made it for us.  He respected and understood life and death, he didn't take it for granted; he was realistic about his own mortality.

The hardest part is the adjustments we survivors must make, every new day, in the world without his living form in it.  His spirit lingers, it's there in the memories of his smile and his voice and his eyes and his works and words.  In photos and notes and in the sky and earth around us.

I smile to think he's with so many of his loved ones now, both human and animal.  He's loving on his cats and dogs, he's giving brain massages to his horses, he's laughing and joking with his brother and sisters, his friends.  His mother and father must be elated to have him back in their arms, for I know he mourned their passing too.  And I know he waits for me there, and I'll be so happy to see him once again forevermore, to hug him and clap him on the back.

Going Home
Going home, going home, I am going home.
Quiet like, some still day, I am going home.
It's not far, just close by, through an open door.
Work all done, care laid by, never fear no more.
Mother's there expecting me, father's waiting too.
Lots of faces gathered there, all the friends I knew.
I'm just going home.
No more fear, no more pain,
No more stumbling by the way,
No more longing for the day.
Going to run no more.
Morning star lights the way, restless dreams all gone.
Shadows gone, break of day, real life has begun.
There's no break, there's no end, just living on.
Wide awake with a smile, going on and on.
Going home, going home, I am going home.
Shadows gone, break of day, real life has begun.
I'm just going home.

My Dad's Passage

My dad passed away Monday March 12, 2012 at 12:20AM, in Ft. Myers FL where they were wintering.  He had been diagnosed with an aortic dissection after he was hospitalized Monday March 5.  This is where the aorta basically de-laminates, and the problem was severe and extensive.  All 3 of us kids, plus Luis and Sarah and Gordon, made it to his bedside before he passed.  Mom is awaiting the return of his remains after cremation.  Then she and Aunt Linda & Uncle Fred will drive back together toward the end of the month. 

The support she is receiving is heartwarming.  There are so many great people around her now in her neighborhood in FL, and more awaiting her in NY.  I pray for this support to guide her thru the transitions she will face. 

I'm feeling OK, just very tired, and soft and mushy physically.  Feeling very supported and comforted by friends and loved ones.  Probably hasn't truly sunk in.  Plus we'd been separated by 1,500 miles for 2 months.  He was a good guy and he will be missed.

My 100 Pound Interview and Philosophy

I have been interviewing myself since November, wanting to be prepared for The Big Day when I could say "I've lost 100 pounds!"  What if someone said, "Cathy, that's a heck of an accomplishment; to what do you owe your success?"  Clearly I'd want to be prepared, for the celebrity and notoriety, the confetti falling from the sky, the newspaper articles, the TV interviews, Oprah.  Insert Winking Smiley.  So here's my self-interview and my tidbits of wisdom at this accomplishment.  Been looking forward to this for a couple months and I have so many notes jotted and scribbled in all sorts of spots.

Q: Cathy, what advice would you give someone who faces losing a large amount of weight?
A: Well, Cathy, I've thought a lot about this and I present the following points, both specific and philosophical, that have been helpful to me on my journey.

• To be successful:
• Have a coherent plan.
• Have a strong will/be determined to persevere and succeed, even when you don't "feel like it" or it's inconvenient.
• Do what it takes to succeed.  Whatever that looks like.
  
• Have appropriate short- and long-range goals.
• Get excited about meeting your upcoming challenges and the successes!  You may find it feels GOOD to exercise and sweat; that you feel proud you exercised and ate carefully that week or day or hour; that you ENJOY the "burden" of buying smaller clothes and taking bags of old clothes to Goodwill; that you enjoy helping other people with their journeys. 
• Do it for yourself.  This needs to be your focusing motivation.  The people whose motivation to loose weight or get thin, is to fit into certain clothes for a special occasion, or to "Be there for..." kids or family members, or to make a spouse happy, may not be not properly motivated to stick with it after the occasion passes, the kids move on, your spouse isn't present.  You've still got you to work this change out for.
  
• The first step is, acknowledge where you are, and what is a reasonable goal to achieve.  Set realistic, measurable goals, and be patient with yourself and the process while you achieve them.
• You start from wherever you are and do something different, which is going to be different for each individual.  Whatever you've been doing has gotten you where you are.  Change something and give yourself a chance to respond.
• Put in the time and effort, and occasionally the expense.  Mentally prepare yourself for slow sure progress.  Don't count on fast spectacular results.  Fast weight loss is often short-term, especially if it is based on unsustainable exercise and nutrition.
• Make this your priority!  It won't get done, you won't succeed, if you consistently shelve these plans for something else.  Other things may have to fall by the wayside for a little while til you understand better what it will take to undertake your journey.  Most of the time those aren't important things (like watching TV or goofing around on the computer).  We've all got time for those activities, but we don't have time to exercise or plan our meals?  Not believing that.
• Try to figure out why you became obese, why you turn to food for comfort instead of fuel, so you can better understand the process (it didn't happen overnight, and it probably didn't happen while you were lying helpless in a hospital bed; you were actively if unknowingly making decisions that promoted your obesity).  Take adult responsibility for this behavior.  This will ultimately allow you to keep the weight off and become comfortable and accepting of your altered nutrition and exercise habits.  Many people turn to food as their "drug of choice," for some reason or another.  You can maintain that some facet of your life encouraged you to eat poorly: your parents didn't treat you right, your spouse was at the root of it, you've suffered in some way.  As adults, however, it becomes less reasonable to rely on old excuses.  You make decisions every day; make decisions that will support positive habits.
• Sometimes we need to look at our own lives objectively, not get messed up with personal details that sometimes substitute for excuses.  If you had to make decisions for someone else's health, how would that look?  If that's good enough for them, why shouldn't it be applicable to YOU?  There shouldn't be a double standard, because you might try to get out of hard work!
• Be sure to congratulate yourself along the way, instead of belaboring what remains, which only drains your energy.
• Don't give yourself food as a reward!!  Counterproductive in several ways: reinforces unhealthy food relationship; and sabotages your hard work and effort!  I am learning it's never worth it.  It's OK to enjoy food, but Food is Fuel!  Not love, or comfort.  Non-food rewards are so much better.  New clothing, new workout wear, new exercise equipment, anything meaningful and memorable; and get out of the habit of using food as a comfort.
• PLAN YOUR MEALS AHEAD OF TIME.  Very important, probably critical.  Otherwise you find yourself at the end of the day not having consumed the right balance of nutrients, possibly over-consumed calories, then it's way too late to do anything about it.  It's actually comforting having a plan in place for the day; "Hey look, that's what my 1400 cals looks like!  And I took 20min and planned out my week so I have structure in my day that makes sense."  Like laying out your workout clothes so you can step into them first thing in the morning.  If you get to the end of the meal you've planned, and you still "feel hungry," you owe it to yourself to wait the 20min we're all told it takes for the satiety of the consumed food to actually hit you.  More times than not, if you can observe this guideline, AND have another glass of water, in 20min you actually don't want more food!  Yes that rule actually works!
• Persevere in the face of lack of success, on days when you don't really understand weight gain or lack of weight loss.  There will be NO SUCCESS AT ALL if you quit.
• Take time to consider your hunger.  Yes, eat when you're hungry.  Resist eating for non-hunger reasons.  You may feel hunger but not always in the physical sense.  Emotional eating, emotional hunger, needs to be understood and dealt with in a healthy manner.
• Stick with it long enough to be successful!  Be patient.  They may not be spectacular results but 2+ years later I still have results!!
• Plan on spending your money and your time in different ways: on exercise clothes, videos, equipment; on good sneakers; on a personal trainer +/- gym membership; and on different foods.  I haven't found it more expensive to eat healthy foods.  Processed foods are expensive for such small nutritional value.
• Be willing to do things you haven't done before, or in awhile (such a keeping a food, exercise and emotion journal; read books and magazines that can help; exercise hard), in front of strangers, or in the presence of your friends and family who will be surprised and possibly resistant to you changing what you've established as the standard.  Be prepared that the attention brought to the changes you are making could make you feel self-conscious, or cause waves in the status quo.  That's OK, you'll get over it!  Persevere and suddenly you are an example!
• Very good book:  Shrink Yourself , by Roger Gould MD
• Good Cookbook: Biggest Loser  Family Cookbook  I purged all cookbooks which were for decadent or unhelpful foods, like the cookbook I had for uses for sugar...  Seriously, it was put out by Domino Sugar, and I bought it.  I prefer recipes which give some idea of nutrition info per serving.  I use Vita-Bot through my personal trainer, and have used the food journal thru Body Bugg  Many options exist to help you monitor and gauge nutrition.
• I usually cook big batches of food and portion it out so...
• I know how much I'm eating
• Makes it easier to log the food
• I don't over-eat: A Serving is in this dish!
• I enjoyed Health Magazine and Self Magazine.  Lots of encouraging stories and boatloads of exercises.
• I've enjoyed following Ben Davis who lost 120lb thru diet and exercise.  I believe at this time he still has an eating disorder, or shall I say he hasn't given up overindulging on food, and I believe that WILL come back to haunt him,
• Hot foods and beverages fill me up.  They are more satisfying somehow.  I also chew tons of sugarless gum, which satisfies the part of me that enjoys chewing, and blowing bubbles; plus it makes my mouth feel minty and clean, which inhibits me from putting food there. 
• Often, having a small amount of the full-calorie version of a food is more satisfying than a larger amount of a low-calorie version that doesn't taste great (for me that's sugar-free chocolate; the Special Dark chocolate is OK, but the Reese's PB Cups are icky).  Unless you're just out to "stuff your face."
• Combine exercise as vigorous as you can handle, with a moderate calorie diet of healthful food.  Become aware, through realistic and truthful analysis of what you put in your body every day, how many calories you are consuming every day and the nutrient breakdown.
• A personal trainer can make sure you are pushing yourself and properly performing in a stay-healthy way.
• It has been my experience that I will work harder and push myself harder and more consistently, when working out with other people.  So what if I'm tired?  I will get back up and do this exercise because it's my turn.  That's been very effective for me, plus the camaraderie and support is hard to beat.
• Don't be afraid to get help if you get stuck, working on your own.  It can be done on your own but change things up if/when you hit a plateau.
• It's not really about smartness or intelligence because smart people make poor, unproductive, self-destructive decisions all the time.  Smart people abuse drugs, make horrible financial decisions, hurt other people.  And smart people become obese.  It is wise to to discover why a smart person such as yourself would make, and continue to make, lifestyle decisions that are self-destructive.
• Why do I do this?  Why did I do this?  Obviously my health, because I was preparing to die.  And for esteem, mine for me and now others for me.  I think obese people are looked at and judged differently than normal weight or slightly heavy people.
• The word PERSEVERE appears 4 times in this text.  THAT IS KEY!!  The word JOURNEY is here 3 times.  It's a lifelong, ongoing process.  Worth it.
• Sometimes doing the "right thing" and making the "right decisions" will come easier.  There's always going to be other "stuff" going on in your life, competing priorities, your own body's biology, opportunities to sabotage your progress.  It's the slow or discouraging times that we need to persevere thru and learn from, to eventually achieve the end reward.  This is true for anything!  Try getting thru college, staying married, or getting along with difficult people.  Say a prayer and hang in there.

My 100 Pound Milestone!

It's here, I did it, I've lost 100 POUNDS!!  I've been building up to this for years, and was 5lb away back in November.  Been up and down since then, and I've gone down steadily this week.  Thought it would happen in December.  Thought we'd be celebrating at our BAH Party in January.  As it turned out, Friday, February 10, 2012, I weighed in 100lb lighter than the heaviest I can recall weighing myself, probably early 2009.  I didn't write many things much before then.  I recall going steadily up at the doctor's office.  I recall using John and Sarah's scale, before they took it away from me.  I recall being in the high 200's on my trip to Montana in July 200, and having lost 20lb at that point.  So, it's been around 3 years.

I weighed in here Friday morning a few tenths of a pound away from 213, walked the dog then pooped a second time...  excellent weight loss strategy!!  Weighed in at BC 216.6, which was 50lb lighter than when I started there in October 2010, 2 months before surgery.  Chris looked at me for a moment when I told him, "That's 100 pounds!"  Then he raised his hand, smiled, and we high-fived!  It was REAL!  I did it!!  I sat next to Kim, she asked how I was, I grinned and told her the news!! And a few others who were right nearby.  We began to exercise, and finally Jeremy started reading off the members down.  Chris whispered that I was down AND that was 100lb weight lost.  Jeremy looked up at me, I smiled and nodded, then we high fived as he announced that my weight lost was 100 pounds!  More high-fives, more smiles!  Fists in the air!  Then we lifted some weights.  Tammy and I lifted together, and were pretty well matched.  She commended me on my weight loss, and I pointed out it's best never to gain it in the first place.  When we were stretching, Dan commended me and Mike asked me what made me want to lose that weight, because I didn't look like someone who could have lost that much weight.  I admitted I thought I might be dying, and needed to make it happen.  I asked Jeremy if he had his camera, and he admitted he did.  I asked him to take a picture of me lifting 100lb.  So, he racked up the weights and showed how he could lift that much over his head!  I lifted the 100lb, grinned like an idiot, and let Jeremy take numerous pics.  Then I rowed that weight about 5 times to show off.  Here's the picture from Boot Camp.  Can you believe, I couldn't even fit into that T-shirt when I completed my first month at the end of October?  Now it's loose.  That's what 50lb will do for you!

 

I then called BAH and left a cheerful message; then spoke to Dad and Mom on speakerphone, as I was grocery shopping at Wal-Mart, to let them know.  What a wonderful, incredible feeling, exhilarating and uplifting, to know I had met this major milestone!!  Felt like a million bucks!  Felt unstoppable, light-hearted, invincible, powerful.  Special.

I came home and quickly wrote it on FB.  I reweighed myself then, but I had bloated up to 215 from water consumption and using the muscles.  Then the encouraging messages started pouring in!  Jeremy had posted this pic and explained why I was lifting 100lb.  I reposted it, explaining I'd been toting that around with me every single day.  I then made it my Profile Picture.

Judy, Kate and Natalie invited me in for a cocktail at the end of the day, and that was enjoyable.  They were genuinely congratulatory and encouraging.  I revealed to them the actual numbers of where I was and where I am, and the general timeline in between.  Told them no one but them and my doctor knew the numbers.  I felt it wasn't "ladylike" to be that big and there was a part of me that, amongst the joy of accomplishment, still felt embarrassed to have been so large to begin with.

Saturday morning, I weighed myself and was 213.4, solidly in the 100-pound loss range!!  That's also what I weighed this morning, ta-daa!  After something like 65 FB comments, I was feeling sweet and philosophical this morning, thankful and gracious, and in response to all this support, wrote on FB: 

I'm grateful for the encouragement you've all sent my way.  It's not easy to share a topic of such a personal nature.  I'm more inclined to tackle things on a more private level.  The emotions are a mix of pride of hard-won accomplishment, with the shame of not taking better care of yourself in the first place.  As anyone who's ever tackled a self-improvement project knows, the support of friends and family, the occasional high-fives, celebrating the milestones, it's all part of the plan of SUCCESS.  I thank you ALL for your support.  It really means a lot.

Privately on FB, Trish Ryan wrote: 

Hi Cathy-
Just wanted to tell you how impressed I am with your recent accomplishment! I'm curious to know your story, always trying to piece it together from posts (like the skiing accident that messed up your knee) and your mentions of boot camp, etc. But whatever your life has brought you, you have summoned up whatever it takes to reclaim your health. I'm guessing it takes a lot of resolve, hope, faith that things can change, willpower, dedication, sweat, pain, and a number of other virtues that I can't think of.
I love your inspirational quotes that you post, (also Pat Zinna and Kevin Wallace).

The last time I saw you was LOOONG ago at a Cornell conference when you were working part-time at 2 different practices. Now I see you are a practice owner! Good for you! I'm so glad that you are doing so well. Keep the faith!

Think you are going to reunion? Hope so. I am planning to.

Just wanted to send you a little private message to say HI and once again say CONGRATULATIONS!!

Trish

I wrote her back with a little synopsis of the timeline.

Lori Mangialardo also wrote:

Dear Cathy, I am sooooo happy for you and proud of you! I know how difficult losing weight is, and you have embraced it. Thank you for all the support and care you give me and my felines. Keep up the good work! Love ya!

Even Mark Wyman  wished me well, then had an animal question.

It feels great to be in this place right now.  I must say, I think part of this week's ultimate success has been from doing 15-30min of the Insanity workout daily.  Boosted things up a bit.

Shay's New Year Wisdom

http://shaysorrells.tumblr.com/post/15124727656/the-seven-biggest-mistakes-i-made-after-loser

Resolutions to make you happy

Don't "treat" yourself.

In the long run, will that extra brownie, glass of wine or impulse purchase make you feel better — or worse? Think of a guilt-free “treat.” For instance, I save one of my favorite perfumes to use as a special treat when I feel blue.

Imitate a spiritual master.

First, identify your spiritual master, whether a great figure from history, a person you know or even a fictional character, and next, study his or her teachings. Then comes the challenging part: figuring out how to translate the values and aims of your spiritual master into your own daily life. My spiritual master? St. Thérèse of Lisieux, the “Little Flower,” because of her emphasis on showing great love through the little, ordinary actions of everyday life.

Abandon a frustrating project.

The quickest, easiest way to finish a project that has been hanging over your head is to abandon it. Instead of feeling guilty every time you look at that half-knit blanket, just admit you’re never going to finish, give the yarn to someone who will use it and let yourself move on to a new, more enticing project.

Jump.

Resolve that the next time you feel overwhelmed or exhausted, you’ll jump up and down a few times. When I run down the stairs, do morning jumping jacks or skip on the street (to my daughters’ utter embarrassment), I get a quick hit of energy and cheer. Feeling silly is part of the fun.

Cool article on how to live!

30-things-to-stop-doing-to-yourself AWESOME!

It's New Year's Day 2012!!

Happy New Year!  I watched the sun come up this morning; what an inspirational way to start the new year, the new month, the new week, the new DAY!  I'm giddy!

It's pretty amazing how soft and filled out you get after ONE WEEK of eating rich foods and not working out intensely!  And besides amazing, how hard it is to tone back up!  Never one of those people whose weight melts off.  I was to 2 pounds from having lost my 100th pound (YAY!) then weighed in 6 pounds heavier the day after Christmas!!  I figured it would come off the next day, but I've only dropped back 1lb.  Waah.  I am going to take a hint from a workout partner, Dan, who's been seeing general weight loss success, who casually remarked to John about his success, "Lean protein and lots of vegetables."  I can do that.