On my way to Surgery

In about 1 hour, I will be on my way to FFTH for left rotator cuff surgery.  This is the shoulder I injured in June 2000, when Dad was in the ICU at FFTH with pneumonia and dyspnea; Sarah had come in with a broken tooth; we were expecting Jessi to deliver almost any day.  I was on the phone setting up an appointment for Sarah with GVEC, lifting a water bucket for Jessi's big birthing stall, and my rotator cuff snapped.  Never did anything about it then, just tried to ignore it.  It was painful and immobile for 6 years, then John pretty much fixed it with massage, at Thanksgiving of 2006.  It was fine until last fall, prior to Thanksgiving, and I aggravated it at Boot Camp lifting weights.  I did as much massage with John as I could, when they were here for Thanksgiving.  I hoped having Mary Johnson work on it would help.  The pain persisted, and I saw Kevin at COA in June.  He suspected the rotator cuff, ordered up some tests, discovered a full thickness tear of the anterior fibers of the supraspinatus with 2cm retraction, a partial thickness articular surface tear of the subscapularis and plenty of arthritis.  He gave me a steroid injection and advised me I needed surgery.  I scheduled it, then repeatedly heard glowing recommendations of Dr. David Grimm, "the shoulder guy."  I saw HIM in October, and he confirmed we needed surgery, but he did not feel it would have to be as drastic as what Kevin forecast.  I have to be at the hospital at 11AM.

I've tried to take a more assured approach, not giving vent to every thought or moment of anxiety or anticipation.  I am in good hands, with God, my surgeon, my post-op team and myself!  I've been working out forever, I feel strong, I'm only about 2lb heavier than when I left Jeremy's 2.5 weeks ago, though I feel much softer!  Everything will work out for the best.  Always does.

As I was showering this morning, I had the sense that this was the last time things would be "the same" for a long time.  I recognize this sense of change from the time before and after my knee replacement.  I highly anticipated the procedure, though I had no idea what was to come.  As prepared as I attempted to be, truly I had no idea what life would be like.  Everything would be different, for a long time.  Getting up and down, in and out of the shower or the car, putting my clothing on and taking it off, being a veterinarian.  I will learn to adjust to a new kind of pain, the restriction on my activity.  For a solid 3 months, I hurt.  I could not see pat that, how could I for the pain had become my new normal.  I had no experience, had never walked down that road so I really didn't comprehend I would get better!  Things would eventually improve, beyond my absolute wildest imagination.  I had gone from 20+ years of constant life-changing pain and instability, to pain with improved stability, to no pain and 100% return of use of this major joint!!  I could not get over how drastically my life had improved!  So here I sit in similar circumstances, not knowing what will be next, and only mildly uneasy with that.  Everything will work out for the best.  Always does.