Being your own parent

Being your own parent
Sometimes, you have to be your own parent. We were all given parents, and I think most of them tried to do the best they could with whatever parenting talents or skills they had. Sometimes the parenting talents were lacking, and we children are the results of that.

Nevertheless. There's nothing in the world to stop us from being our own parents when needed. Hopefully we've gotten this far in life knowing right from wrong. Doesn't mean we will always do what's right when faced with a choice between right and wrong. We can coach ourselves more or less; have a little discussion with ourselves, talk to ourselves as if we were our own child or someone's child. What would you tell a struggling teenager if that child were faced with the same situation that you yourself are in. Most of us would want a child to do the right thing, whatever that looks like.

I think parents struggle with being human, and with wanting their child to do the right thing in the face of the knowledge that they might not do the right thing in that same situation. (Do as I say, not as I do.) However you still have the fervent desire to have that child behave in the appropriate way. Just as a teen considers what the adult is recommending, and in their naïve way chooses to do the right thing, I think we adults can use the same decision-making and ultimately do the right thing because it's the right thing to do. In that way, we are parenting ourselves. We take the knowledge of what's the right thing to do and apply it literally and specifically to our own selves.

You have to stop blaming your parents for not being perfect. As it turns out, if you look at the situation from the viewpoint of a foster parent guiding a foster child, where there is no blood binding the relationship, you want that child who needs guidance to simply do the right thing and you'd try to provide the kind of information to help them do that. So instead of remaining lost because you didn't receive guidance as a child, simply put yourself in the position of being your own parents. Forced to give wisdom to someone in need, you'd come up with something and that thing is what you yourself should adhere to.

We've all got room for improvement, and that may in fact come from within ourselves not necessarily from outside of ourselves.

Everything hurts

Things in life these days, weeks, few months, feels like everything hurts.  Physically and emotionally, mostly.

My shoulder hurts.  The left one, specifically.  Awaiting surgery in November, praying for Dr. Grimm to have skilled hands and team that day, and for me to possess the patience needed to complete my recovery afterward.

Judy's husband Ted has been in the hospital the last 2 weeks.  This is so hard!!  Feeling so much angst, gripping anxiety.  Possibly brings back the last week of my dad's life and the loss of someone so special.  I feel so bad that Judy is going through this right now, I know it is a difficult thing, and we don't know how this situation will end up.

Millie Sackett handled a situation through church that angered and hurt me, and has allowed me to express my negative side (in other words, I want to smack her down and shout my hatred to her).  I offered to donate money to the church to help replace the new roof, enough to complement what was gathered from my dad's memorial fund, to make $1000.  She elected herself Donation Police and decided that mom's and my donation to the church for the roof replacement was $30 shy of what I said I would donate.  I wrote the church a check based on her calculation of the amount collected from my dad's memorial fund.  In addition to confronting me with this ridiculous demand for more money, she felt the need to broadcast this at a church meeting.  So many things wrong with this situation: that she would feel it necessary to bring up ANY discrepancy, when the fact is it is a DONATION, a pledge.  NOT a requirement!  And the original amount was from my dad's PASSING!  Could you TRY to show some pretend sympathy?  AND that she would bring it up in a public situation makes it all the more awful.  I felt a bit let down that my pastor did not straighten this out with her prior to allowing her to attack me in church, but she felt based on an email I might NOT have wanted her to take care of it (in spite of the fact that I specifically came to her for guidance and expressed relief that she came up with a great idea to patch it over).  Now we're getting together this Thursday to "patch things up," Millie, Jeri and I. I am discontinuing being a trustee (YAY) and I told Jeri I need a break.  In my mind, church is a place of solace, community, strength and education.  Somethign is very wrong when it becomes a place of venom and anger and anxiety.  I forgive Millie for her behavior, but I can't pretend to like her.

My purse was stolen August 30, from my unlocked car while I worked out in Canandaigua.  No one could kick me any harder than I kick myself.  I just felt the LOSS and the anxiety of that mistake so heavily.  Things are gone, that I will likely never see again, that are meaningless to anyone else.  Who can use my $600 prescription glasses?  My before and after fat pictures.  My coupons and my notebook, where my notes from my trip to FL and back in March were.  Priceless things that are nothing to anyone else.  Makes me angry.  The moments after it happened, when I felt deflated and stupid and powerless, I resolved to pray to God for help, whatever that looked like.  I want my bag back, no one else should have that stuff, but in God's hands all will work out for the best, and I believe that to be true.  Even if I never get my things.  That allows me to smile and decide that I can get through this.

I have stated 2 new bible studies.  One is with Karen's group and we're studying Prayer.  It's an excellent study, I love the material.  I look forward to the reading and the material we are covering.  We are reading through a bible guide on Wed. nights at AHUMC.  Nice group.  I feel anxiety associated with "leading" the group.  THAT is something I can give up, rationally I do NOT need to worry about whether we are having a good time.

Off to do physical therapy and get caught up on NCIS reruns.  It usually feels really good, the stretching and strength training.