Book Report: Robert Bramson, Coping With Difficult People

August 4, 2010 Book Report: Robert Bramson, Coping With Difficult People

Overall I really enjoyed and appreciated the content of this book. Very concrete instructions, which I found refreshing. I highlighted a lot of material, but the most constructive I found in the first third. The author defines a Difficult Person (person with habitually troublesome behavior that affects most of the people with whom they come into contact), and describes the patterns of Difficult Behavior (Hostile-Aggressives, Complainers, Silent and Unresponsives, Super-Agreeables, Negativists, know-it-All Experts, and Indecisives). He defined the concept of Coping. Coping means contending on equal terms. People behave in difficult manners because they have learned that to do so keeps others off-balance and incapable of effective action. In this way, Difficult People gain control over others and put them at a disadvantage. Effective Coping is the sum of those actions that you can take to correct the power balance, and minimize the impact of others' difficult behavior on the immediate situation in which you find yourself.

The good thing about coping is that it provides an alternative to acceptance, and to trying to change personality (yours or the Difficult Person's). Acceptance causes martyrdom in the aquiescer, and reinforces difficult behavior in the other person. Trying to change another's personality is the world's greatest hard-luck story. When the motivation for change comes from outside of the person, it is quite costly and unlikely to work. Coping allows you and the Difficult person to get on with the task at hand. Coping works because it interferes with the "successful" functioning of difficult behavior. The purpose of the coping methods is to balance the power the Difficult Person has over you.

I am going to stop the book report here - the material is rather too detailed for the quick summary that is appropriate for here. I am more inclined to come back to the book to refresh my memory on its contents. Highly recommended.