Mentally divorced from horses

I have been thinking about this since the Honeoye 5K on May 1. At that point it had been a year since I made the decision to get the horses out of my barn. That was probably the BEST decision I could have made. It had been a long time since I was happy taking care of the horses. I can't imagine having to go thru another winter with them, even if it was only 3. I needed to spend my time and energy elsewhere. It's frustrating knowing your efforts aren't appreciated, are expected and taken for granted. Bleh. Glad I got out. Don't miss it, haven't missed a thing about it since October 3 when the barn was emptied. It was about becoming unencumbered, about lightening up in sooo many ways. Insert smiley face here, and move on!

Time to Get Caught Up

I am not super-sure how this blog works as far as dating posts... I am just going to start from the beginning and if I can alter the date to correspond with the thought, well then I will just do that.

But first, it's my 45th birthday! I have been up since 3AM, not unusual for me since I sometimes fall asleep on the couch mid-evening, then can't get back to sleep. It's not all bad; the very early morning seems to be my most productive time. Clear, focused thoughts, a list of things to do swirling in my head, the energy to do them.

Bird just flew at the sliding glass door.... Bertha, who is perched on the table in front of me, is a-raptured! Earlier, wish I'd been able to photograph Harry grooming Blossom... tough and tender; he's still a Boy but he's awfully sweet to my girls.

I can see a few wasp nests on the railing of my deck... that now goes on the list. Took a lovely photo of the valley this morning... about 49 degrees, misty and damp. Hope to post that as part of my journal of the day. Of course, no one but me and my staff knows I have the day off today Nice to have a secret! A secret day off, no requirements, no deadlines, just a "me" driven day. It's a nice indulgence. And I want it to LAST!!

I love this new computer! Can't really "imagine" having it perched on my lap (still don't have that much of a lap to accomodate it!) like you see on TV... cuz that's what I want to do is look like the folks on TV!

Seems like the last month or so was stressful. Funky stuff with clients, medically challenging and involving cases, emotionally draining persistent issues. I have written pages in my carry-with-me journal/day-book all pertaining to the topic, "I Hate People." Isn't that sad? About the time I was thinking, "I need a break cuz I'm getting burned out," Natalie asked me if I'd like some Fridays off. SOOO glad she wanted to give me this one off!

Our 7th Anniversary BAH Party is coming up! Looking forward to it. Most of the prep is done (well, on my end... will try to help Ted and Judy at their end -- my cook and my hostess!).

Love my new car. My new used car is a 2001 Subaru Forester. It is only one year newer, but has 50K less miles on it than my Jeep, and that's considered low miles. I like the color - very neutral. I love that she's paid for! She's AWD, getting about 22mpg, turns on a dime, and her name is ZIPPY! Zippy Scooter. She's fast. But I can go incognito, cuz I look like I'm driving the Mom Car. [Cop: Oh there's some mid-40's lady off to pick up the kids. Haha, no I'm not! I'm driving too fast to Wal-Mart to pick up cat food! Cuz I'm a Crazy Cat Lady who likes to drive too fast!! Fooled ya!]

OK I have some other topics to explore. Next...

My New Philosophy

At times in my life, I have found myself reacting, or over-reacting, emotionally to aggravating situations and people. No back-story needed there. I am currently dealing with a person on a regular basis who seems to (in my judgment) enjoy pushing my buttons, and who I routinely call "contrary." Seems to enjoy doing just about everything the opposite way as expected. I am pretty open to the idea that my reaction plays into it, but can't seem to stop myself from retaliating. I am trying something new. I figure, if Viktor Frankel could make it thru the Holocaust, and divorced couples can get along "better than ever" after they've simply signed a paper dissolving their marriage, I can rework my defensive responses to my benefit (and hopefully to the benefit of those around me).

My friend has a "complicated" personality. She gets along very well with people she has superficial contact with, like clients, my folks, people on the phone even if they are telemarketers. She becomes difficult the more you get to know her. She has a wonderful husband: a level-headed, calm man who was brave enough to take on her and her 2 young sons after a nasty divorce. We have witnessed her just verbally attacking, laying into, picking at her husband, enough to make you cringe. In public, in front of friends. My point is, if she can treat him that way, then I don't need to take it personally when she treats me the same way.

She has had a lot going on recently, without even delving into the growing-up years. I know that if she ever took her guard down, discussed what is bothering her, explored conflicts from her past, I would likely have nothing but heartfelt sympathy for her, and would find it no problem to show and feel a lot more forgiveness of her difficult behavior, like a difficult child. If I simply understood that it was motivated by some difficulty in her own life.

We may never get to that point - I am not a therapist and don't want to pretend to be one. What if I just assumed this were true - that her difficult behavior stemmed from some underlying difficulty? Could it hurt to assume that, and respond compassionately to her when she is being difficult?

It then boils down to ME having the opportunity to adjust my own response (the only thing I can really control anyway, right?) into a more loving, sympathetic, compassionate, comforting, nurturing, gracious, patient human being. That's really the person I want to be anyway. And I think that is how my friend Jesus might respond -- lovingly, compassionately. I think that approach can heal and calm, more than me responding defensively, in a tart, sarcastic way.

I have always wondered, Why did God bring this person into my life? I knew there was some difficulty He wanted me to understand better. Maybe I need to view her difficult behavior as a signal of some conflict within her, that has nothing to do with me, then I don't have to take it PERSONALLY and I can view her with a more loving heart. It can't hurt, right?

Then I can use this approach on other difficult people in my life - like clients for instance. It wouldn't hurt me to let client conflicts roll off my back. Pretend that every difficult person probably has some underlying issue that they are dealing with, that in reality has nothing to do with you... so let it GO!!! Use your God-given emotional energy toward compassion and sympathy for a fellow human being, rather than retaliation and defense. Give it a try.

New Years Ramblings

(from a letter to a friend, acknowledging how I think I may be spoiled because my lifestyle suits me so well):
Homebody thru-and-thru. I think it's a blessing to be content at home! And since I haven't had horses in my back yard, I feel like a princess, spoiled probably because my life is so good, like I have a real life back. Like if I can literally make a cup of tea and read a book, cover up with a blanket and maybe a cat lights nearby, woo-hoo, that's all I really need to be happy! Maybe it's pathetic that that's enough. But deep-down I don't think it's pathetic.

Regina Brett's 45 life lessons and 5 to grow on

Originally published in The Plain Dealer on Sunday, May 28, 2006

To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me.

It is the most-requested column I've ever written. My odometer rolls over to 50 this week, so here's an update:

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.

16. Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living, or get busy dying.

17. You can get through anything if you stay put in today.

18. A writer writes. If you want to be a writer, write.

19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Overprepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: "In five years, will this matter?"

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

35. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

36. Growing old beats the alternative - dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood. Make it memorable.

38. Read the Psalms. They cover every human emotion.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

41. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

42. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

43. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

44. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

45. The best is yet to come.

46. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

47. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

48. If you don't ask, you don't get.

49. Yield.

50. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

http://blog.cleveland.com/pdextra/2007/09/regina_bretts_45_life_lessons.html

Jon Gordon's 20 Tips for a Positive New Year

1. Take a 10-30 minute “Thank you” walk every day. While you walk practice gratitude. It is the ultimate anti-depressant.

2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day. Buy a lock if you have to.

3. Buy a TIVO, tape your late night shows and get more sleep—it’s the ultimate energizer.

4. When you wake up in the morning complete the following statement: My purpose is to___________ today.

5. Live with the 3 E's. Energy, Enthusiasm, Empathy.

6. Read more books than you did in 2007.

7. Make time to practice meditation, yoga, tai chi, qigong and prayer. They provide us with daily fuel for our busy lives.

8. Do the “one thing” you have always wanted to do.

9. Dream more while you are awake.

10. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less foods that are manufactured in plants.

11. Mentor someone and be mentored by someone.

12. Engage in daily random acts of kindness.

13. Clear your clutter from your house, your car, your desk and let new and flowing positive energy into your life.

14. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip, energy vampires, issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.

15. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.

16. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a college kid with a maxed out charge card.

17. Smile and laugh more. It will keep the energy vampires away.

18. Each night before you go to bed complete the following statements:

I am thankful for __________.

Today I accomplished____________.

19. Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed.

20. Enjoy the ride. You only have one ride through life so make the most of it and enjoy it.

November's here

November's here; the weather is changing, crisping up. The leaves are gone, long past their golden glory of a few short weeks ago. I really love this time of year. Time to reflect on the time past, plan for the future.