Catching Up Monday

Had a good weigh-in today at Boot Camp - down 2lb!  (I'm in the 240s for the first time since post-op catabolism.)  This in spite of a hi-sodium weekend, and no structured exercise.  Last week started out slow -- well, hold on, the week started out great because I'd lost 2lb over the weekend, which is quite rare for me.  I don't think I've EVER lost weight over a weekend.  Usually gain a fair bit then spend the first few days of the new week trying to get back to par.  Anyway, Monday (Memorial Day) was a victory moment because I lost (woo-hoo!), however realized I "looked better on paper" which might make it tougher to accomplish the percent of weight loss "on paper" that I would need to succeed at this Summer Challenge.  But like I said on my application, regardless of whether I was chosen for the challenge or not, I need to lose the weight so... in the end it's weight lost and it's good!  Anyway, Monday I had a cook-out at Mom & Dad's which was yummy but deadly for the diet.... 1300cal in ONE MEAL at their house!  Weight jumped the next AM and stayed up a few days.  I didn't get the numbers back down til mid-week, Thursday maybe, and it was a nice jump.  Started targeting limiting sodium, and Sarah and Marianne (another gal who's lost great numbers) kept repeating, DRINK MORE WATER!  I thought I drank plenty but I DRANK MORE.  I also got 8 square hrs of sleep Sun. PM.  Then I lost MORE weight over the weekend!  YAY!!

I think the advice is good.  I am also trying to closely adhere to Jeremy & Sarah's nutrition handout, and make more food as opposed to eating packaged food.  I also feel one of the biggest helps is J&S believe I can succeed.  THAT is a big boost.  I reaaaaaally appreciate this opportunity, I appreciate their faith in me, I know 30 other people would have liked that spot in the challenge. 

So my goals are pretty simple: eat clean, exercise (I try to get at least one other 20-30 min session in besides BC, sometimes at lunch, sometimes when I get home, SOMETIMES BOTH!!), drink water plenty, and get rested.  Oh, and avoid "sabotages."  Not really deliberate attempts by other people to derail me, but situations that I allow myself to participate in, like eating out with friends, eating goodies that nice people bring to work.  Nothing good comes of it!  We'll see how the month goes.

I also thought my face looked thinner; haven't taken my picture yet, but I might!  Then I will be sure to post it here.

What does 100 calories look like?

Today I spent some time portioning out some foods, and I decided to make each bag contain 100cal of whatever it was.  What a difference between 100cal of almonds and 100cal of carrots!

 Then I compared 100cal of carrots and almonds to Craisins, chicken and FiberOne cereal!  All the same calorie value!

 I had such a great time with the steamed broccoli the other night, I thought I'd package it out, then came the green beans, which was the hugest volume of food.

 Wegmans Coco Pops crackers, so yummy and light at only 16cal each.  This compared to Arrowhead Steel Cut Oats, but probably the oats are more satisfying.  I can't get past the gas they produce.

 OK, a Deli Flat.  That's 100cal. But check out what 100cal of Hellmann's Mayo looks like!  I could swallow that in one bite.

 The Hormel Turkey Pepperoni is very yummy, and you get like 25 pieces for 100cal!  Too darn high in sodium.  Same for dill pickles - you can eat 2/3 of the jar for 100cal!

OK, we know fat is calorie-dense.  One table spoon of margarine vs. 3 wedges of Laughing Cow Lite!

 Snacks - can't forget them.  This is what 100cal of unpopped popcorn looks like.  Not much, especially when I'm making it.  Best value out there - sugar-free chocolates!

 A favorite Friday night meal: Fish and rice.  Here's 100cal of each.  I usually have 2 fish fillets and probably twice as much rice.

Ben and I are now UTD!

I finished Ben's Blog, meaning I read alllll the back-story and am now current.  WOW!  Two and a half years, and got it done in a month.  Feel like I know the kid.  I admire what he's making out of his experience, even though he is likely just a slacker who didn't go out into the "real world."  Hey if someone wants to make it worth his while NOT to, why not?  He's having quite a fun life experience.

Things I do differently since I read Ben's Blog"

• Bought a small digital camera to keep in my purse for all those impromptu snaps we're supposed to be taking.
• Blogging more myself... my food journal is also my first spot for personal notes.
• Wouldn't mind one of those T-shirts...
• Wouldn't mind visiting with him or his foxy Pa when they/he comes to Buffalo.
• I'll definitely buy his book when he publishes it.

Encouragement from Ben

We have a bad day—or a bad couple days

And it pulls us down. Hard.
There have been many times in the past two years of this voyage when I’ve had some very depressed episodes over a few days of eating poorly. Some negative attitudes will occasionally perpetuate themselves—ultra guilt-trips after a couple missed training runs.
A weigh-in or two that doesn’t go the right way. A pound or two gain. Or even the “just a pound” loss.
We beat ourselves up even worse than we did when this was our life.
But it still is our life. And we have to remember that these two or three day binges used to be the norm. Grab our belt and see how many notches we’ve carved out. Step on that scale again and realize how many pounds you’ve shed. Try on that XXXL shirt that used to be a little tight. Now it could be your blanket.
We can’t let the failures of success keep us from trying to be successful. We’ve come too far to let it stop us now.
Just put down the burger finish the burger—you deserve it—and then go for that scheduled four-miler today.

(Back story: on a flight, Ben's seat-mate asked to be moved.  He automatically took it personally.)

But the whole situation brings about a startling realization.

My first reaction was to think “what’s wrong with me?” – “What did I do wrong?”

Being the curious type—I’m always trying to figure out why things occur—I began some introspective thinking. Where does this insecurity come from?

It’s not hard to nail that down. I grew up in a very self-conscious shell. Being overweight my whole life certainly had negative impacts of my self-worth and self-image. I was constantly over-compensating with outrageous behavior—both inward outrageous (15-20 hours/day in front of a screen playing computer games) and outward (making Jackass style videos and that whole “green-hair phase.”)

But, come on, I’ve lost weight, grown up, matured a little, etc.

I look in the mirror and I see a relatively normal looking guy—a somewhat educated, somewhat intelligent (despite my father’s claims to the contrary) young man. Sure there’s the duct tape incident and the year I spent collecting pizza boxes in an effort to enter the Guinness Book of World Records (at 973, my parents made me throw them all away because of a mere “rat problem.” – I’m still slightly bitter.) But, still, I feel better than I ever have. I look as good as I ever have. I’m happier than I’ve ever been.

Why, then, do I still assume there’s something wrong with me when issues arise? And it’s not just me. I’ve realized this is a common theme. Most people assume the worst. We beat ourselves up and we blame ourselves even when it’s not rational or logical.

It seems to me that we’re wasting a lot of time beating ourselves into the ground. Yeah, we’ve lost weight or run marathons or fit into that goal bikini; we’ve come a long way, but our mind still has a lot of work to do.

Let’s start by not assuming we’re to blame because, more often than not, we’re actually not.

So when that guy leaves you sitting alone in seat 21E, remind yourself, he’s missing out.

And smile.

And sit back, relax, and enjoy the flight.

Update on a month after getting started...

I have been food-journaling, and daily-weighing, and Boot-Camping, for 4 weeks now.  One of my recurrent themes is... how tired I get by mid-day!!  I am trying to sleep, both more and regularly.  And in bed.  I can sleep like a champ in my recliner, til about 1-3AM then... a round of housecleaning or computer catch-up after vainly attempting to get some real sleep in bed.  I've had decent luck taking a word puzzle to bed and working on it there.  The cats all gather around, so we have that social time, and pretty soon, I'm dozing.  I still sleep at work some days at lunchtime.  Have found the hang-over effect with sleep-aids...

BIG NEWS: I am participating in Jeremy & Sarah's Summer Makeover!  Start out with a Free Month of Boot Camp and if I lose big-enough weight, then I go on to the next month.  Lowest numbers have to persuade their friends etc.  Realistically... I haven't lost big numbers.  I am really appreciative of this opportunity though, and aim to stay positive and kinda hope the competitiveness spurs me on the definite success!  livelifeready.com

Notes to self along the way this month:

• I like food-journaling in a notebook, rather than a pre-formatted book.  Tried fit-book and Andrew Lessman's Daily Wellness Journal.  I liked the sturdiness of the fit-book, nice plastic cover though the wire-ring binding did poop out after awhile.  Didn't like AL's thing at all, waste of space.  I just wrote my foods over-top of everything else that he pre-printed.  Didn't write much about my moods and my BMs...
• Been trying to exercise multiple times a day - BC and something in the evening (usually time in the basement with the TV, thank God, or with Leslie).
• I really shouldn't overeat so much that I'm painful...
• Thought for the day: What you're gonna be HAPPY you did, was get out and walk.  What you're gonna WISH you did, was not spend much time at the computer.
• Monday, May 9: feels like my belly fat is softening.
• Eating out is hard... (whiny voice).  So easy to over-indulge.  SO much better to prepare your own food.
• Don't ever STOP TRYING with appreciable effort.  Expend great effort for great reward.
• Monday, May 16: Rings feel loose.
• Tuesday, May 17: leg muscles feeling MUCH stronger!
• Jeremy advised not to regularly consume more than 1,400-1,500 cals/day.  I searched for Vitabot recipes and meal plans.  This is doable.
• Bagels and cream cheese can put a serious dent in your food budget!  Plan on 450cal for a single Brueggers bagel with cream cheese.
• Not sitting in front of the TV is better for my food cravings!  It's easy to get the munchies.  I'm prone to all the suggestions.  Word puzzles can be done at the dinner table, too.
• Guacamole is my FAVORITE!  Very simple recipe with all that "good fat."
• I struggle with feelings of "food entitlement."  I had a long day, I'm tired, I worked out and had a good burn.  These become reasons to overeat.  =(
• Pep Talk From Kate: STOP focusing on "why you don't deserve this" (opportunity at BC).  THEN have a Plan of Action.  Put into place all their suggestions, and ASK FOR HELP.  Keep aware of your goals.  Put habits into place to succeed.  
• Sarah & Jeremy suggest logging food in VitaBot daily, so I don't get out-of-hand with cals.  Correct daily.  Plus they have a book on emotional eating.
• I am not too fond of push ups, but on Ben's site I learned about a site where you train yourself to complete 100 push ups in a row, in like 7 weeks.  THAT would be a challenge!  I'm looking into it (clearly not ready to commit!!).  hundredpushups.com

gingerspice asked: How often in the beginning of your weight-loss journey did you hit a wall and want to give up? Or did you at all?

I was very lucky in that I never did want to give up this time. This was my fourth attempt at it and it finally feels right. I think the biggest reason that it seems to be sticking is that I’m involved in a team, The Conway Running Club, and we compete in the Arkansas Grand Prix, so I’m constantly motivated to stay on the road running or in the gym getting stronger.
I think the number one mistake people can make when deciding to lose weight is to keep to themselves. Since it’s embarrassing to let people know you want to change your life, the instinct is to keep quiet about it. But with that attitude, it’s easier to quit. I say get involved and get friends/family involved as well. It’ll make those runs or elliptical sessions not awful.

When I was 360 pounds, I don’t think there was a time when I wasn’t insecure. It definitely took some getting used to, but if you think about it, letting a little insecurity about people seeing you fat deter you from going to the fitness center is about like people seeing you give up smoking keeping you from quitting.
What happened for me, though, was when I lost 15-20 pounds, I saw myself looking better. It didn’t matter that I was still 120 pounds overweight, I was more confident and addicted to the feeling of seeing improvements in the mirror that I relished going to the fitness center. I even began to like taking my shirt off. (Don’t worry, I’m not under the false impression that I actually look good without a shirt.)
The bottom line, though, if none of this stuff helps, is that no one gives a shit what you look like when you’re at the gym. Seriously. No one even notices you. They’re all too busy reading their O Magazine or catching up with their Soap Operas. I promise.  (Edit: and many of them will admire you simply for the nuts to be there doing it in public, not think less of you because you arrived fat.)

thehealthexperiment asked: I have to ask... do you notice a lot more attention from the ladies since losing weight?

The only way to answer this is to just say yes.
I’m not convinced that it’s 100% appearance, though. Pre-January, I never really put forth any effort. I locked myself in — literally and metaphorically. Once I started to lose weight, I gained confidence. I began feeling comfortable contributing to conversations and even engaging people. Obviously looks are a huge part, but I think finally becoming myself was the main thing.

Ben after 1 year

A friend texted me:  “Hey, I have a friend that is trying to lose weight. He is about the same weight as you were when you started. Any advice?”
The advice thing is always tricky. Since losing weight is such a personal thing—such a tough personal thing—it’s hard to give blanket advice to someone.

But, if I had to do it, here’s what I would say.
1. Tell people. The more people that know, the more likely you are to follow through. While will power and the desire to make your life better should be enough incentive to make you get it together, the fact of the matter is that you are going to need fear, the fear of letting everyone down, to keep at it sometimes. If you are out with your friends and they know you are trying to lose weight, you won’t order the fried chicken and french fries and Dr. Pepper and dessert because you will be ashamed if you do. It’s hard to tell people, it’s embarrassing to tell people, but tell them; you’ll find out that they are excited for you and will help you in any way that they can.
2. Don’t fall for gimmicky inspiration. I remember so many times watching people’s weight loss videos on Youtube. Most times they were set to some sappy, inspiring background music like “I Believe I Can Fly” or something. These videos work superficially, for about two days. It’s like a quick fix. The truth is this: inspirational quotes, feel-good videos, and heartwarming weight loss reality TV are good for entertainment, but losing weight and taking control of your life is deeper than them. Losing weight because other people lost weight is not going to work. You have to find your own reason, your own inspiration. There’s no other way.
3. You’re going to miss a workout. But don’t let it affect your next workout, or the one after that. As a fat person, I like to rationalize my behavior to make it OK. Let’s say it’s a Thursday and I miss my daily run. I’ll wake up Friday and say something like, “I missed yesterday; I should take today off as well and let my body heal.” And then it’s the weekend and I say, “I missed the last two days, I’ll start back on Monday. Monday is a good day to start back.” Then I’ll look up a realize I haven’t run in two weeks. The same goes for eating. You’re going to have bad meals, but to let snowball into four or five—or a week’s worth—of bad meals is just stupid and will lead to quick weight gain which will turn into quickly quitting on yourself. Trust me.
4. Get involved in something organized. I joined a running club, but there are countless other ways to get involved. Join a weekly weight-loss group, overeaters anonymous, or even start a Tumblr or Youtube account. Anything that surrounds you with people that are going through the same thing is going to be a positive experience.
5. Just do it Nike was on to something here. There are going to be times that working out sounds miserable. But I promise you, after the 45 minutes of running or biking or swimming or ellipticalling or whatever-it-is-you-do is up, you will be glad you did it. If you are sick, work out. If you are hungry, work out. If your sister is in town and you have no time to work out, work out. You have to do it. There’s no excuse not to.
Bonus: Fall in love or get your heart broken. Yes it’s gimmicky, but whatever. If you get the opportunity, get your heart broken; it works.